Fifty Shades Broken
by sarah-rahl
Summary: This begins after Ana has told Christian that she is pregnant...Ana realises Christian was right...She will choose Blip over him ***Just want to say thankyou to everyone who has read/reviewed, APPRECIATED! But to those who feel that you are qualified enough to criticise and insult something which is meant as a bit of fun...your opinions are not wanted!
1. Chapter 1

…He's still not home by nine. I am sitting at my desk in the library, wondering where he is. I call him.

"Ana," he says, his voice cool.

"Hi."

He inhales softly. "Hi," he says, his voice lower.

"Are you coming home?"

"Later."

"Are you in the office?"

"Yes. Where did you expect me to be?"

_With her. _"I'll let you go."

We both hang on the line, the silence stretching and tightening between us.

"Goodnight, Ana," he says eventually.

"Goodnight, Christian."

He hangs up.

_Oh shit. _I gaze at my BlackBerry. I don't know what he expects me to do. I'm not going to let him walk all over me. Yes, he's mad, fair enough. I'm mad. But we are where we are. I haven't run off loose-lipped to my ex-paedo lover. I want him to acknowledge that that is not an acceptable way to behave. I sit back in my chair, gazing at the billiard table in the library, and recall fun times playing snooker. I place my hand on my belly. Maybe it's just too early. Maybe this is not meant to be . . . And even as I think that, my subconscious is

screaming _no! _If I terminate this pregnancy, I will never forgive myself—or Christian. "Oh, Blip, what have you done to us?"

Is that what he wants? Is he hoping that I terminate our little Blip? Will he ask this of me? _Would I do it for him?_ My subconscious looks up from her baby book telling me that I already know the answer to that question. Christian was right…I would choose Blip over him.

But I know Christian…what Christian wants, Christian gets. He would never force me to terminate our child but would he forgive me for keeping our child? Just telling him that I was pregnant sent him running back to her, what will he do when our little Blip actually arrives? Holding my head in my hands, silent tears start to run tracks down my face. My inner goddess is pacing up and down refusing to believe the truth, while my subconscious is packing her suitcase.

This is what I have to do for Blip and for Christian. This is where it ends.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Forcing myself to my feet I head back towards the bedroom taking one last glance at the billiard table. _It's okay Ana, deep breaths you can do this, you have to do this, and you have to do this now before he comes back. _Oh god if I see him I will never be able to leave my fifty. _He's not your fifty anymore! He's hers! He was always hers!_

And that is why I must do this. I can free Christian from this life that he thought he wanted. He's proven that he doesn't want a life with me and Blip by running to her. I gently place my hand over my abdomen. What if he asks me to abort you? Would I ever be able to forgive him if he asked this of me? I will not give him the opportunity to ask.

He doesn't want the life that our little Blip has planned for us…he ran to her…then I realise he misses his old lifestyle. So I will bow my head in defeat. She was right, I wasn't enough for him, he has needs that I cannot fulfil. My mind wonders back to his birthday party…_she did warn you._

_You never thought you were enough to hold him and you were right. Now let him go._

Mrs Robinson has won.

Ok so I have to leave, but how to leave Mr Overbearing Megalomaniac with ex FBI and god knows what else at his disposal. Before going back to the bedroom I enter Christians study. I know he keeps obscene amounts of cash here for emergencies, and if I am really going to get somewhere without him finding me I am going to need money. I decide to borrow some. Crap! What's the safe combination? He told me he changed it recently. I try our wedding anniversary…there's a small click as it unlocks. _Keep it together Steele._ _Holy crap! _How much has he got in here? And how much do I need? One hundred… two hundred…three hundred thousand? That should be more than enough to last us.

I hurry back to the bedroom and change into jeans and t-shirt with my converse. Putting the money in my backpack, along with a few toiletries, a change of clothes and the wedding picture of us from my bedside table I am ready to go. Taking a deep breath I make my way back into the great room. Looking at the view for the last time, I can't help but stare at the piano, suddenly there is a deep ache in my stomach which spreads to my chest, my breath is knocked out of me and a loud sob escapes as the realisation hits me. I am running. _You said you would never run…but I am running for him, to give him a chance at the life he needs._ I walk over to the piano and take off my wedding and engagement rings and leave them on top of the piano. There is no need to leave a note, this will give him the message.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Just as I expected Sawyer is at the doors to the elevator. I pick up my car keys from the table in the foyer and leave my blackberry.

'Good evening Mrs Grey'

'Good evening Sawyer, I am going to stay at a friend's so you can take the night off'

'Umm, I'm sorry Mrs Grey but Mr Grey's instructions were very specific'

'I'm sure they were…but if you will please excuse me'

He shifts awkwardly out of the way so I can press the button to call the elevator.

'Mr Grey asked that you stay here'

'Well he asked and I have said no, I am staying at a friend's so unless you want to restrain me, I'm sure Mr Grey has some handcuffs somewhere that you could use…I am leaving'

Sawyers mouth drops open in surprise at my outburst but he composes himself quickly.

'I should accompany you then'

'No thankyou Sawyer'

'But it's not safe for you to be out alone'

That's just what I am though…completely alone. I take a deep breath and look up at Sawyer, he knows I am not going to back down. He pulls out his phone. Shit he is going to call Christian.

'Mrs Grey please…what shall I say to Mr Grey?

'Whatever you like'

The elevator arrives and I step in, not allowing him to follow.

'Goodbye Sawyer…and thankyou for everything'

A look of confusion and dread crosses his face at my words as the doors close. _Ok Ana you're doing great but you don't have a lot of time…_

The elevator doors open and I hurry to the R8, throwing my backpack into the passenger seat, I jump in and start the engine and then I'm driving. _Where the fuck are you going Steele? _Ok well I can't stay in this car for long, he can track it. So I am heading out of town. _Think Ana…_I need a car…one he can't follow.

Inspiration hits me and I pull a u-turn at the next junction. I am soon a few blocks from Hannah's house. She had told me about her new place which isn't far from SIP. I park the car and grab my bag. Now I am running. It won't take him long to get here. Her little bungalow is easy to find in this street so I pelt up to the door and slam my fist against it.

'Hannah! It's me, please let me in'

A young guy comes to the door, he is trying to do up his shirt as Hannah follows behind him. She sees that it is me and scrambles to open the door. I quickly glance around outside, no sign of the freight train that is Christian Grey yet so I step inside.

'Ana, are you ok?'

'I need your help, Hannah I need to borrow your car, listen I don't have much time. My Audi is parked a few streets away, here are the keys'

I take her hand and place the keys in them.

'It's yours, but I need your car…now'

'Ana, what's happened?'

'Hannah please…I need you to help me'

She stares at me and I give her a pleading glance asking her not to ask any more questions. She understands and gives me a gentle smile.

'Okay Ana'

'Thankyou…I'm so sorry for this…but I had no choice. I need a car that Christian can't find… I'm leaving him Hannah'

And then the tears come.

'Oh Ana!' she pulls me into a hug.

'It's ok, we're here for you, what do you need?'

'Just your car, Christian will follow mine. I parked it not far from here but it won't take him long to realise I came to you. Listen take the Audi, it's yours. Christian will come here but tell him I gave you the Audi and you don't know where I have gone. Just tell him I threatened to fire you if you didn't help'.

'Ana, are you sure you want to do this, I mean run from him?'

'I have to Hannah, I wish I could explain but I just need you to trust me on this. And please don't blame Christian, this isn't his fault. It's something I have to do.'

'Oh Ana, I'm so sorry'

'I don't have much time'

'Ok take Matt's car '

'What?' Matt suddenly chirps in on the conversation.

'It's ok, sorry Ana, this is Matt, my fiancé, its fine, take his car, it will give you some more time'

'Hannah!'

'She needs help Matt, listen its fine Ana'

'Oh thankyou so much, to both of you, here'

I take out some of the money from my backpack and hand it to her.

'Take this, put it towards your wedding. I'm not sure how Christian is going to react but don't tell him about the money, and if you can don't tell him about the car'

'Ana, I can't take this'

'Yes you can, please take it as a small thankyou for all of your help, I'm so grateful to both of you'

She places a set of car keys in my hand and hugs me once more.

'Take care of yourself Ana'

'And you'

Matt leads me outside to his car. I open the driver's door and climb in. He closes it and leans down.

'Are you sure you're going to be ok?'

'Yeah…I'll be fine. Thankyou so much Matt, take care of Hannah'

'I will'

And I am driving again. _Where the fuck are you going Steele?_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

'Push Ana!'

'No, no, I cant! I cant do this…I cant do this by myself…ahhhhhhhhhhh!'

'Good girl Ana…that's it once more'

'Ahhhhhhhhh!'

A baby's cry replaces my screams.

'He's here!'

'Is he ok?'

'He's perfect'

I slump back against the bed, trying to slow my breathing.

'Can I see him?'

'Here you are mommy'

The nurse places my son in my arms and at once the pain is gone. He is here. This is what I have been waiting for, not just for the past months…but my whole life. I use the towel he is wrapped in to clean some of the blood. His cries dim into gentle whimpers. I kiss his forehead and he opens his eyes. And then I am looking into the eyes of Christian Grey…and the tears come.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I am uncomfortable…not in pain so I try to move. _Ahhh! _Ok that is painful. I open my eyes to see the small cot at the side of my bed. Inside my son is sleeping, a small hint of a smile on his face. I gently push myself up the bed which is exhausting. My legs are like jelly and my stomach feels strangely empty. I can't resist reaching into the cot to brush my hand against his cheek. He stirs and whimpers so I retreat my hand.

Leaning back against the pillows I too close my eyes, but I am still haunted by those eyes. It has been almost 8 months since the last time I was lost in the deep pool of that familiar shade of grey. _And now you will have to look into those eyes every day._

My subconscious betrays me and my mind wonders back to the day I last saw him. It was the day after I ran. It was the day I nearly went back. I was driving east when I stopped to rest and buy another car. Curled up on a bed trying to hold myself together in small roadside motel somewhere in Montana, I couldn't take the silence any longer so I turned the TV on the sound of the news. That's when I heard his voice. _Oh god…is he looking for me?_ But it wasn't about me. He was making a speech about _Mia._ Oh God what had happened while I was running? I bolted towards the TV to turn up the volume. Christian was on the screen with Carrick and Elliot next to him outside his parent's house. _Oh god…look at him..._Christian looked as if he had aged 10 years over night. _Because you ran! Just when he needed you!_ My subconscious has certainly changed her tune since yesterday. My inner goddess scowls at her.

'We would like to thank the local police as well as the FBI for returning my sister back to us. Now we would like some privacy so we can care for her after this ordeal. Thankyou'

_Oh god…Mia_

The screen goes back to the news reader. _No, no just let me see him again._

'That was a statement from Mr Christian Grey on behalf of the Grey family. Once again we are pleased to announce that the kidnapping of Mia Grey, younger sister of Seattle's very own Christian Grey has ended with her safe return and the killing of her kidnapper reported to be one Jack Hyde, a former employee of Mr Grey. He was killed during the rescue attempt by local police with the FBI earlier today after Miss Grey was abducted only this morning. After a ransom demand of 5 million dollars, Mr Hyde was captured during the exchange. We will have more as it comes in.'

_Holy fuck!_

I scramble to the phone and pick it up. _Don't do it! There is no going back now. _My subconscious reminds me that I have made my choice now and I have to stick to it. Mia is safe, Jack is dead and Christian will move on. I replace the receiver on the cradle. _Good girl Steele. A clean break._

I am brought back to the present by the soft cries of my son. I gently pick him up and cradle him against my chest. He immediately goes back to sleep in my arms. This is what made those last few months bearable.

Running and hiding from Christian Grey was not the easiest thing in the world, but having been around him and Taylor, I had learned how they worked…what they would be looking for. I ditched all of my I.D, credit cards anything that could link me back to my old life. I spent the first few days driving east across the country, putting as many miles as I could between myself and Seattle. It was easy to find a supplier of new identification (when you have the cash) when I stopped in Chicago on my way east. When I finally reached the ocean on the opposite side of the country, I settled in a small town called Rockport, Maine. And so this is where my son was born, this is where our new life would begin. The money I had taken from the safe had bought us a small house that faced the harbour. I spent my pregnancy watching the water from the deck of the house. I often thought how much Christian would love it here but I banished these thoughts as soon as I had them. The ache in my chest never went away, but with time it did fade until something reminded me of him and then it would knock the wind out of me. During those months I busied myself with preparing for motherhood. Being unable to contact my own mother, just to let her know I was ok added to the pain as did being without Ray, Kate or Jose. But holding my son in my arms now, I knew it had been worth it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

'You can leave now, your things are already packed, Taylor will take you home' I unbuckled the restraints that held her ankles and wrists and then went back to retrieve my drink.

'What? What do you mean?'

'You heard me, your contract is done. Now get out'

I hear her stomp out of the room and slam the door behind me. I downed my whiskey and turned up the music…Bach Air on the G String Suite No.3. Then the familiar pain hits me and I slump to my knees, my whole body is shaking with anger and pain. Running my hands through my hair I let out a scream that has been building from deep down inside of me.

_How could she do this to me?_

_You made her do it…you pushed her away._

_NO! _

I slump back against the bed in the playroom. Resting my head back against the bed and stretching my legs out in front of me, I try to escape from the tormenting memories that will not fade…_Ana…My Ana…_

The girl had not helped, as willing as she had been…the pain I inflicted on her had not helped. How I wished it had been Ana strapped to the bench…how I imagined it was her I was punishing. I wish she could feel my pain. _Did she feel any pain when she left? Does she feel any pain now?_

I have not stopped looking for her, and I never will. Tomorrow will mark the 8th year of my search. _She does not WANT to be found! Otherwise you would have found her by now! _I shake off those thoughts and close my eyes.

'_I know. I love you, too' she reaches out to touch my face. 'And you're precious to me, too. You know that, don't you?'_

Now I know I am dreaming, but I do not want to wake. I am here with _her. My Ana. _She is safe in my arms, so I tighten them around her. I remember this night. The last night I _made love_ to my wife. The pain of it wakens me. I am still in the playroom. Taking a deep breath I force myself to get up. I have become increasingly good at hiding the pain that if I let it would cripple me. Making my way back to the bedroom I remember I am leaving today for a business trip to Maine.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

'Let's get out of here Taylor, Christ I can't wait to get back to Escala'

'Yes sir'

'Is the jet ready?'

'Yes sir'

'Good, have you checked in with Welch this morning?'

'Yes sir, nothing to report'

_Story of my fucking life…_

I lean my head back and close my eyes.

_What a fucking waste of time that was…_I have been in Maine for 3 days now trying to negotiate a deal. But it seems we have come to an impasse. I can wait though, they need my help more than they know, it won't be long until they back down. _All this fucking way for nothing though…_

All of a sudden I hear a deafening screech and then a huge crash. My eyes snap open and I can see the car ahead has been hit head on by an oncoming truck. Taylor is already out of the car on the phone to 911. I jump out of the car and follow him, he is pulling someone out of the car so I head towards the truck. There is a man in the front seat, hunched over the steering wheel.

'Hey, can you hear me?'

I shake his shoulder and he looks up at me. I try the door but it's stuck.

'Help me'

'It's ok, I'm going to get you out'

I pull at the door with everything I have and it suddenly gives... Claude would be proud. The man tumbles out and as I go to catch him the unmistakable stench of liquor hits me. I lead him over to the sidewalk and let him rest on the ground.

'Stay here…I'm sure the police will want to speak to you'

'Christian!'

I spin around to look over at Taylor. He never uses my first name. He is standing next to the driver's door of the car, leaning in through the window. Next to him is the person he pulled out of the car, a child who is crying for his mother.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

'Is it…in the car?'

'Nope!'

'Umm…oh I give up!'

'So you're letting me win?'

'No! Ok…is it moving?'

'Parts of it move'

'Is it umm….'

Driving home with my son, in the afternoon sunshine I am completely content. I can't help but smile at him in the rear view mirror when I stop at the red light.

'Come on Christian, we're almost home and you're not even close!'

'I'm thinking!'

I laugh at his temper…so much of his father shows in him. A deep sadness fills me as I stare back out at the road…_how could anyone not love this perfect boy? _Okay I know I'm biased being his mother but he is perfect to me and saddens me to think how his father would instantly fall in love with his beautiful son. _How many times have we been through this? It's been 8 years! You can't just go back now after all this time! He might want him all to himself…and with his lawyers he would have no trouble winning him…_

I am rescued from my train of thought by my son, I look back at him in the mirror.

'Is it big and tall!?'

'Yes…you're getting warm'

'Is it a…MOM!'

His sudden outburst stops my heart, his voice screaming with fear snaps my head around to the slow motion scene that is heading towards us. There is nothing I can do to protect him as a truck comes hurtling into us…

'Mom!...MOM!...Mom please wake up'

There is so much noise surrounding his voice but I can hear him. My eyes refuse to obey my command to open them…I try to answer him but my voice fails me…_Christian ._Then there is another voice there…I voice I know…a voice I trust.

'Get back, I'm going to smash the window'

I hear the glass shatter. My body still refuses to respond to my will to move.

'Give me your hand, I'll pull you out'

'My mom…she won't wake up'

'The ambulance is coming but I need to get you out…What's your name?'

'Chris…Christian'

'Okay Christian, just take my hand, I'll get you out and then I will help your mom…Good boy…Now are you hurt?'

'I…I don't think so…my mom…help her'

'Okay I'll try…Oh my god…Ana…CHRISTIAN!'

_Christian…he's ok…Thank God._ I begin to feel my body again…and as I try to move unbearable pain washes through me. I am able to let out a small groan. Then with all of my strength I force my eyes open…and he is there. As beautiful as the day we met in his office….he is different…but those eyes remain the same.

'_Ana_'

It is barely a whisper, and then I am lost in the darkness.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I rush over to where Taylor is standing with the child, I have never seen him look this unhinged…and then I see why.

_There she is…_

Inside the car Ana has become tangled in a mess of steel and glass. Her eyes flutter open and all I can see through the blood are her bright blue eyes staring at me.

'Ana…'

I can barely even say her name. Her eyes slowly close again. _No…No….NO! I have just found her! She can't leave me now! Don't you dare fucking die Anastasia Grey! Not now I have found you!_

'Where is the fucking ambulance?'

My voice has become a mess of desperation, anger and fear. _I can't lose her now…Not like this._

'Sir, there is fuel leaking everywhere, we need to get her out of the car'

'Help me get this door open!'

Taylor and I pull at the door until it eventually wrenches open. I scoop Ana's body up into my arms…she is even more light than I remember and we retreat away from the scene. I collapse to the floor with her in my arms. She is covered in blood. _Oh god, please don't take her, not yet. _I take her hand and rub my thumb over her knuckles…it's so cold…but being able to touch her…I have thought about this every day for 8 years…I never thought I would have the chance to…but fate has handed her to me…and now fate is going to take her away from me once more.

A small hand gently grasps her other hand and as my eyes drift up I see him for the first time. _My son. _It is unmistakable…his hair…his eyes…all mine. _Oh Ana…What have you done?_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I have never felt more helpless…for someone who has had the power to control anything I pretty much want to…having to let her go, stand back and watch as the chaos erupts around her limp body I realise…_with all your money and power you can't help her…she needed you 8 years ago but you pushed her away…_

Then I am reminded of the reason why as the small boy standing next me takes my hand. I glance down at him…_my son._ His eyes fixed on where the paramedics are working on Ana.

'I've got a pulse!...let's move now!'

_Oh thank god!_

Then they are moving her into an ambulance, I take a step towards them to follow and stop in my tracks as I remember the hand that is in mine. _She would want you to take care of our son…_

'Taylor! Go with her…give me the keys to the car and I will follow with…with' I realise I don't even know his name… I look down at him and he still staring after Ana.

'Christian…my name is Christian'

_Oh Ana…_ My heart is in my throat…a single tear escapes. Taylor gives me the keys and disappears into the ambulance.

'Come on Christian, we'll follow them'

I pull him towards the car and open the passenger door for him. He climbs in unquestioningly…_Does he know who I am? Would she have told him about me? _ I close the door and walk around to the driver's side, taking a deep breath, I run my hands through my hair. _What am I going to say to him?_

Inside the car he has already put his seatbelt on. His is still staring at the ambulance but I can't help but stare at him. He is holding his hands in his lap just like mother does… his feet don't reach the floor…he is so small but he seems so much older than his years. I frown as I notice the cuts on his face and legs. _Talk to him…_

'Christian…'

He turns his head to face me, holding my gaze with his eyes. He truly is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...the child of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. His face holds a real mixture of our features, he has my hair, my eyes but I can see Ana in him…that same innocent look has been passed on to him.

'She'll be ok Christian'

He looks down at his hands. I place my hand gently over his.

'Listen to me, she is going to be alright. She is so strong your mother. She won't leave us'

He seems to think about this and accept it. He looks back up to me.

'We…we look the same'

'I know'

The ambulance pulls away so I start the engine and follow closely.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

'I don't know what to say to him mom…I think he knows who I am'

'Then ask him Christian'

'I don't know how'

'You'll figure it out…you have to…you want to be his father don't you?'

'I guess…listen I have to go, I'll send someone to pick you up at the airport'

'Okay, I'll see you soon, I love you Christian'

'Love you too mom…listen I'm sorry we havnt spoken in a while'

'It's okay Christian, I'm glad you called me'

'See you soon'

I hang up the phone from my mother. She is going to come to help look after Ana…and little Christian. A small smile spreads across my face when I think of his name. I look through the small window of the door to the waiting room of the emergency room where he is sitting with Taylor. I take a deep breath and enter. Christian looks up at me and I think he is about to speak but he changes his mind, so I just sit in the seat next to him. Taylor shifts in his seat and gets up.

'I'll just go and sort out a car for your mother'

I nod and then he is gone, leaving me and little Christian.

'Your mom is coming?'

'Uhh…yeah she is'

'Where does she live?'

'Seattle…where I live'

'I know'

'Oh…'

_She did tell him about me! But how much? _

'So you know who I am?'

He shifts in his seat so that he is facing me. He reaches out his hand to place it on my chest over my heart, I automatically freeze. I have not let anyone touch me since Ana…but I don't want to frighten him so I fight the urge to pull away.

'My mom still loves you'

'What? How do you know that?'

'She talks in her sleep…it's pretty funny'

I can't help but chuckle.

'Yeah she does, doesn't she…What else did she say about me?'

'Not a lot really…she doesn't like talking about you so I don't want to ask her…she said you lived in Seattle and that when I wanted to, she would take me to meet you'

'Oh, so you didn't want to meet me?'

'Sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't…did you want to meet me?'

'I didn't know how to find you'

'Oh…we have always been here…but I'm glad you found us'

'I'm glad too Christian'

He suddenly launches himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around him and breathe him in.

'I waited a long time for you'

I pull him closer to me.

_Oh god…how could I have doubted this?_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

'Mr Grey?'

'Yes'

'I'm Dr Ferguson, Mrs Grey's surgeon'

I stand up, placing Christian on his feet and shake hands with Dr Cooper.

'Her name is Ana Bennet'

'Ssshhh Christian' I whisper softly to him. 'How is she?'

'She is out of surgery now, she had some internal injuries so we had to operate to remove her spleen which had ruptured, meaning she has lost a lot of blood which we are replacing. She has broken a few ribs and she also has a pretty bad concussion from a head injury, a broken wrist which is in a cast, and may need surgery but we will review it in a few days'

'Will she be ok?'

'She has a long recovery ahead of her but I think with no further complications, in time she will make a full recovery'

'Can we see her?'

Dr Ferguson looks down to Christian to answer his question.

'She is sleeping after the surgery, and she will be groggy when she wakes, due to her operation and her head injury but yes, I'll take you to her'

Dr Ferguson leads us down the corridor and up a flight of stairs. We enter the quiet ward and I see her. Christian looks for permission to enter the room and Dr Ferguson nods. He slows as he nears her bed. She looks so fragile but peaceful sleeping in the bed. She has a bandage around her head, nasal specs are hanging on her beautiful face which is covered in cuts. Her left wrist is in plaster, while her other arm is draped across her abdomen, with an IV cannula connected to a unit of blood.

Christian gently runs his fingers over her good arm before he turns to Dr Ferguson.

'Thankyou for saving my mom'

'My pleasure'

I offer my hand to him.

'We really mean it…thankyou…so much…'

'I'll come and check on her in the morning'

He shakes my hand and then turns and leaves. I walk over to the other side of the bed, reaching my hand out I gently brush the back of my hand against her cheek.

'When will she wake up?'

'I don't know…but we will both be here when she does'

He smiles and then rests his head on his folded arms on the bed so he is looking at her face.

'It will probably be a while so why don't we go and get you looked at by a doctor before she wakes up?'

'Are you sure?'

'I think she would be worried if we didn't get you checked over'

'Ok'

We go back down to the ED where a junior doctor examines him. He's fine apart from a few cuts and grazes. I hold his hand as the doctor cleans them with antiseptic, but he hardly flinches.

'Wow, you were really brave!'

'It didn't hurt' he assures the doctor.

'Well if you start to have a headache or anything else come back, ok?'

'Thankyou…Can we go back to see mom now?'

'Let's go'

We head back to Ana's room, and just I expected she hasn't moved an inch. Christian walks over to her bed and whispers something to her ear, which I don't quite catch and I suspect that was the point. I settle in the bedside chair and he plops himself at the end of the bed. The room is silent apart from the low hum of the oxygen and Ana's quiet, shallow breaths.

I notice Taylor waiting outside of the door and I wave for him to come in.

'How is she sir?'

'The doctor said she has a long way to go but he thinks she will be ok'

'Oh good'

'Taylor, why don't you take Christian to go and get something to eat? You must be hungry Christian'

'No I'm fine'

'It's ok, I will wait here in case she wakes, go and get some food and then come back'

'Ok but let's be quick'

He jumps down from the bed and follows Taylor out of the room…and for the first time in 8 years I am alone with my wife. _Why did you run Ana?_

_You made her do it…Just when she needed you, you went all fifty shades on her…_

I copy Christian by folding my arms on the bed and resting my head on them. Closing my eyes, I try to remember that day…but I am suddenly pulled from my thoughts by a hand stroking my hair. My head snaps up and she is staring at me with those huge blue eyes…

'Christian…'


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

As I surface from the darkness that has consumed me, I am torn. I don't want to leave… I had been dreaming of him…I was back, safe in his arms. But now I am being pulled from my dream…as my eyes flutter open I am confused by the scene that greets me. Across from me I can see a woman, well what is left of her…she looks beaten…broken. My reflection startles me and I can barely choke back a sob at the sight of myself. Then it hits me…the memory of the truck hurtling towards me…and _my son…_

_But he was ok! You heard him!_

I relax back and that's when I notice the body next to me, folded arms resting on the bed. _Am I still dreaming? _ No…I was so sure I had woken from my dream. My head aches and my memories and dreams have blurred into one. Did I remember him coming to save me, his strong arms wrapped around me or was it all of my darkest hopes playing tricks on me? _Well he looks real…but you did hit your head…_

Only one way to find out…I use all of my strength to lift my arm and stretch my fingers and run them through his hair.

_Oh how I have missed the feel of his hair…it feels so real…_

His head suddenly shifts and his eyes meet mine.

'Christian?'

'Oh Ana…you're awake! Oh thank god'

_He's real…_

He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles...the memory of his lips against my skin causes tears to surface. _He's really here…_

'You're here…How are you here? Where's Christian? Is he alright?'

'He's fine, He is with Taylor'

'Did you…did you talk to him?'

'Yes'

'And?' The word comes out missed with a sob.

'Oh Ana…he is amazing…the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, he is so much like you'

Now I am really sobbing…he rises and gently wraps his arms around me.

'No…no he is so much like you…Oh Christian everytime I looked at our son my heart broke'

'What?'

'Oh Christian I'm so sorry, everyday…everyday I wanted to comeback but everyday it got harder and then I just couldn't...I'm so sorry I was so scared…I'm sorry I ran…but please don't take him from me…now you have found us…don't take him away…this is my fault, all my fault but please don't punish me by taking him from me, I know I have done the worst possible thing a mother can do, keeping a son from his father but I thought it was the best for you…oh god forgive me for what I have done because I know you both never can'

'Oh Ana there is nothing to forgive, we are both to blame…I know I pushed you to this, but that doesn't mean I havn't spent the last eight years being angry at you…but I was more angry at myself, I was my bastard old self when you told me you were…well when you told me I was going to be a father…and I didn't think I was ready…but now I have met him and it was like the first time you fell into my life…I have completely fallen in love with him'

I can't help but smile.

'He does have that effect…like his father'

'You have done a wonderful job raising him on your own, you are a wonderful mother, anyone can see that just by looking at Christian, he adores you Ana… he loves you so much..._and so do I_'

He pulls me closer and I wince in pain but I ignore it and press my face into his chest and breathe him in.

'Oh Christ Ana…I never stopped looking for you...I thought I had lost you and then today just when I had found you I thought you were going to slip away again…don't go'

The last two words are barely a whisper. We sit in silence for a while and I let him hold me. My inner goddess and my subconscious are both holding each other.

'We have a lot to talk about' I finally murmur.

'I know, tomorrow, sleep baby'

'I want to see Christian'

'Okay'

He releases me from his arms and places his hands on my face so I cannot escape his gaze. I reach my hand up to remove the nasal specs that are irritating me but cool long fingers stop me.

'Oh Ana, you're so beautiful'

He kisses my forehead and gently places his lips all over my face, I think kissing each of the cuts that cover it. Then finally he kisses my lips…


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

'Mom!'

My son bursts through the door and rushes over to the bed as Christian retreats to speak to Taylor. My plastered arm is the only thing stopping me from wrapping my arms around him and pulling him to me. Instead he hugs my good arm, clambers up onto the bed and crouches next to me. I reach my arm up to touch his face while I try to examine the rest of him for any sign of injury.

'Hey baby, are you ok?'

'I'm fine mom'

I pull him close to me and breathe him in. Christian watches us carefully as he strides back over to the bed.

'Oh honey, I'm so sorry'

'It wasn't your fault mom'

His voice is so small as he curls up under my arm. Christian settles in the chair next to me.

'He's right Ana, Taylor has spoken to the police and they have arrested the driver of the truck, I could smell the liquor on him…he won't get away with this, I'll make sure of it…it's a wonder you weren't both killed in that death trap you were driving too'

This is Christian Grey in megalomaniac CEO mode, and if I'm really honest with myself I have missed him as well as the other 49 shades of him so I ignore his comment.

'Did the doctor say how long I'm going to be stuck in here?'

'Ana you have just come out of surgery, you aren't going anywhere anytime soon'

'But I have to work, and who is going to look after Christian?'

'Well…I thought…_me'_

_What? _

'I thought I made it clear I want you both back in my life…starting now…if that's what you both want too?'

Words fail me. I can do nothing but gape at him. To hear him say the words…that he really wants Christian…and he wants me…after everything I have done. Then a small voice breaks the silence.

'We do'

Christians eyes are now fixed on our son as he finally exhales heavily and a small shadow of a smile crosses his face.

'Well I mean I think it would be nice to have a mom and a dad…and it's weird…you were in the car behind us when the truck crashed into the car'

'Yeah it was pretty weird wasn't it?'

I had been so scared that I would never get to see Christian and his son together, just talking like they were now and maybe my son was right…fate was telling me it was time to remedy the mistakes we had made.

'Like you were meant to find us'


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

After losing a long battle with my eyelids, I am forced into the darkness. It is cold here, and I am becoming more aware of the pain in my left side, my arm and my head…but in the darkness I can still hear their voices…Christian and our son talking in whispers and I concentrate on the sound of their voices to numb the pain.

The voices go quiet and the pain brings me to the surface. I open my eyes and let them adjust to the dim light of the room. The chair where I expect Christian to be is empty…but on the other side of the room, Christian is laying on a couch, eyes closed, with his arms behind his head…with our son asleep at his side, his head resting on Christians chest. I cannot help but stare and smile at them both with their matching copper hair. More tears surface as I watch them, I have not cried in so long and it feels good to let them out.

As if reading my mind, the nurse comes in to give me some more pain killer for which I am grateful. She smiles at Christian and my son when she sees them sleeping and tells me what a lucky woman I am to have my two boys. _My son and my fifty…my two boys._ I smile back at her in agreement but there is a small hint of sadness in my smile as I think about whether Christian would have looked like our son when he was a boy and how sometimes he is still that helpless boy inside.

Suddenly Christians eyes open but he freezes and looks down at our son. He looks up at me with worried eyes as the nurse leaves he mouths to ask me if I'm okay. I smile back at him and relax back into my bed still staring into those grey eyes. He seems to relax and then I am astonished when he moves his arm and gently places it around the shoulders of our son as he sleeps.

When I wake again the sun is pouring through the blinds and it is painful to open my eyes to face the sterile room. The couch is empty as is the whole room so I decide to test getting up while there isn't an audience. Thankfully my head is a lot clearer than yesterday but the pain in my side is excruciating, I lift up my gown to the sight of a white bandage stuck to my side…Christian had said I had surgery…_but it feels like the surgeon forgot to sew me up!_

I slump back against the bed, exhausted from my efforts and by the pain. Then, just when I thought I could not feel any worse…Dr Grace Trevelyan-Grey walks through the door.

'Don't try to get up Ana, I will get you some more pain meds'

She turns and is gone again. There is absolutely no emotion in her words, her tone was flat and cold. _Well it could have been worse!_

Then Christian walks in and strides quickly over to my bed.

'Christ Ana!.. Are you in pain? You look so pale…I'll get the doctor'

I reach for his hand to stop him going.

'Your mother went to get me some pain meds…don't go'

'Okay'

He settles himself next me on the bed and reaches for a strand of my hair.

'So you saw my mom? What did she say?'

'Nothing…she told me not to get up'

His forehead crumples with frustration.

'No wonder you're in pain…Did you try to get up?'

'I just wanted to…'

'You just had surgery Ana…you have to be careful of your stitches'

'Surgery for what?'

'Your spleen ruptured so they had to remove it'

Spleen…spleen….you don't need your spleen do you? Maybe I can ask Grace…to try to make conversation with her…_I'm sure she will have enough to say for the both of you!_

I ignore my subconscious and change the subject.

'Where's Christian?'

'Taylor took him to go and get some clean clothes and to get some stuff for you'

'Oh'

I try to shake off the thought of whether I am disappointed he is not here or whether I am enjoying this time alone with Christian. _Don't start choosing between the two!_

His hands take my hand and he strokes his thumb across my knuckles, and then he suddenly stops and he reaches around his neck and lifts a chain that was underneath his shirt. He places the chain in my hand and I can now see…_Oh my god…_attached to the chain are the wedding and engagement rings that I left on the piano 8 years ago.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

His shirt is soaked from my tears but he doesn't let me go. With the rings tight in my fist I make a decision to never let them go…to never let him go.

'Shhh Ana, it's okay, we're okay, we are together and that's all that matters now'

I lift my head up and pull him closer so our lips meet…and I lose myself in our kiss. He pulls away and rests his head on top of mine. Grace is watching us from the doorway but Christian isn't aware of our audience. He looks down at me and brushes the tears from my eyes.

'You are so beautiful when you have been crying Ana…I've never loved any other like I love you'

'Me either'

'Good…because you're mine, always have been, always will be'

He smiles and kisses the tip of my nose.

I have so much more to say to him but I can't…not with Grace here. She bustles back into the room and Christian immediately stiffens but doesn't release his hold on me.

'Here are your meds Ana, you should try and get some rest…Christian why don't you go and get something to eat and I will sit with Ana'

'It's okay mom, I'm fine'

She is about to say something more, probably to get Christian to leave but she changes her mind when he lets me go and settles in the chair next to me, taking my hand that is still holding my rings and for the moment I am thankful that he is still so stubborn and protective even against his mother.

'Where's my grandson?'

Grace deliberately speaks over me directing her question to Christian.

'He is with Taylor, they should be back soon'

'Well darling I was thinking about perhaps taking Christian back to Seattle with me while Ana is in the hospital…it's going to be a while before Ana is up on her feet and I think it would be good for him to come back home soon…he needs to go back to school and I have already called a few of the best schools in Seattle to enquire about a place for him'

'WHAT? NO! No Grace…Christian isn't going anywhere without me'

_They are trying to take him while you are stuck in your sick bed! _I turn in a panic to gage Christian's reaction to his mother's suggestion. He is up on his feet wrapping his arms around me, rubbing my back to soothe me.

'Ana…baby calm down…Christian isn't going anywhere I promise. When we go home, it will be together…as a family'

Staring into his eyes I can see he is telling me the truth, he turns his head and shoots his mother a glare that ends the conversation and just in time our son comes bombing into the room.

'Mom!'

'Hey baby'

Christian lifts our son up onto my bed and he is immediately in my arms. My son has never been an affectionate child…a trait inherited from his father but since the accident, something has changed in him…almost like he needs reassuring that I am still here, so I pull him closer to me and treasure every embrace he gives me.

While my son is busy telling me about the things he has packed for me, Christian ushers his mother out of the room and through the window, I can see them arguing in the corridor.

_Christian won't let her take him._ I tighten my hold around my son. _No…I won't let him go._

'I brought you this too mom'

My son pulls out the wedding picture from his backpack, the only relic that I have from my former life. He places it on my bedside table and then continues to rummage through his bag.

'I brought this to play too!'

He pulls out his game of scrabble and places it on the table. He shuffles so that he is sat between my legs and starts to unpack the game.

Christian comes back into the room and perches on the side of my bed.

'I'm sorry for my mother…she just needs some time'

'I know…I have hurt her too Christian…I have hurt you all'

'No Ana, you're not taking all the blame for this…I won't let my family blame you. Ana I just want to forget the past and start again from now'

'Me too'

He smiles and leans in to kiss me.

'My mother will just have to accept that, and if she can't…if she can't forget the past then…'

'Christian I don't want you to argue with your family because of me'

'Ana, you and Christian are my family now, and I have to protect you, my mother will come around…the others have, Mia can't wait to see you both and my dad too'

_Oh god…I hadn't even thought about facing everyone else…Christians family…my family…and Kate! What am I going to say to them?_

Christian senses the panic rushing through me and places a soothing kiss on my forehead.

'Ana, we will take this slow, you don't have to do anything that you are not ready for ok? You won't be alone, I'm here and together we will get through this. I don't care about what everyone else thinks, I have found my family, you and Christian are all that matter to me now and we have so much time to catch up on so let's just forget the world for a while and play a game of scrabble'.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

For the next few weeks I watch Ana with pride as she gets stronger and stronger. After my mother left to go back to Seattle, we fell into a routine where I spend the day at Ana's bedside and then go and pick up our son from school and bring him to the hospital until Taylor takes him home to sleep. Taylor takes him to school in the mornings while I spend most nights with Ana in the hospital. Although it took much persuasion to get Christian to go back to school I am grateful for the time alone with Ana. I bombard her with questions about Christian and their life here. I am desperate to ask her about why she left, about how she managed to evade me for so long but I stop myself…it doesn't matter anymore, I have them back and that's all that matters.

I smile when she tells me that she has been working as an English teacher at Christian's school, I imagine this to be the perfect job for her, with her passion for literature and her kindness I know she would have been amazing at her job.

She describes the home she had made for her and our son, near the water with a porch looking out across the harbour. Since then I have been haunted by a dream where I am sat on the porch with Ana on my lap, her belly swollen under my fingertips from our child growing inside of her. Then it turns into a nightmare as I am then watching another man with one arm around Ana's pregnant belly and the other around my son…and they look so happy together. Now I am afraid to sleep for fear of seeing that dream…and I know there is one question I cannot avoid asking her.

'Ana'

'Mmm?'

'Ana, I need to know…I need to know if there was every anyone else?'

She takes my hands in hers and I am lost in the blue of her eyes.

'Never'

I pull her close to me as the shame and guilt of all the subs I have had fills me.

'Oh Ana, I'm so sorry'

'Christian, I know you, I know who you were before you met me…you think I am so naïve that I didn't know what you would do'

Oh god she knows me like no other, still after all this time.

'They meant nothing Ana I swear, if I could take it all back I would'

'I know, and don't think it doesn't tear me up when I think of you and whoever, because it does but I left you Christian and I don't blame you. Like you said let's forget the past and start again'

'Christ, I love you so much Ana'

'But Christian, I need to ask you something and I need the truth no matter what it is'

I know where this is going.

'You want to know about Elena'

'Yes'

I take her face in my hands and look her straight in the eye to tell her the god's honest truth.

'Ana, I have not seen or spoken to her since the day you left me'

A smile of relief spreads across her face and she starts to cry so climb into her bed I just hold her and let her cry.

We lie there holding each other until we are interrupted by Ana's physiotherapist so I kiss her on her forehead and I leave them to go and collect Christian from school. When we return, we stand outside her room and watch with pride as she walks for the first time with no help. Soon… soon I can take her and my son home.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

'I'm looking for Ana Bennet'

'I'm sorry sir there is no one here by that name'

'She was in a car accident a few weeks ago, she is definitely here, she has a son, Christian'

'Are you next of kin?'

'Well, no not exactly but we will be, we are getting married'

The nurse looks confused by this information and there is conflict in her eyes.

'There is a Mrs Ana Grey who was in a car accident, she is in Room 17A'

'Thankyou'

My heart is pounding in my chest as I rush up the stairs, along the corridor and into her room. And there she is, seeing her alive and well, I feel that I can release a huge breath of air that I had been holding since I found out she had been hurt. Relief washes over me as a see Christian at her side safe and sound. My family are safe.

My eyes are fixed on hers wide with in panic then, she turns to the smartly dressed man sat next to her and then back to me.

'Alex!'

Christian jumps off the bed and races over and launches himself at me.

'Hey buddy! How are you?'

'We're ok'

I make my way over to Ana's bed.

'I was so worried about you guys'

Ana shuffles uncomfortably in her bed as I lean down to kiss her.

The smartly dressed man interrupts.

'Aren't you going to introduce us?'

Ana turns looks up at me with pleading eyes.

'Christian, this is Alex, Alex, this is Christian'.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

He gets up to shake my hand.

'Christian Grey'

Christian Grey…Grey…the nurse said there was a _Mrs Ana Grey_…

I look down at her and it hits me. I tighten my arms around Christian…this cannot be happening. _They are my family…they are going to be my family…I have the ring in my pocket ready to ask her to be my family for christ's sake…where the hell has he been for the past 8 years?!_

Ana's voice pulls me back from my thoughts.

'This is Alex Turner, he works with me at Christians school'

So that's it…I work with her, that's all.

'Well it's nice of you to come and check on them, but they are fine, a few more days and we will be going home'

The man reaches down and takes her hand in his.

Oh god I feel sick.

'Umm, Christian why don't you two go and get something to eat and I will fill Alex in on what happened'

'Are you sure?'

It couldn't be more obvious that he doesn't want to leave Ana alone with me.

'Yeah you two go, I'll be fine'

Christian climbs onto the bed and hugs Ana, something which I have never seen before.

'See you tomorrow mom'

'Bye honey'

The man stalks out of the room with Christian leaving us alone. I don't know whether to shout and scream at her or get down on my knees and beg her not to say what I think she is goin to say.

'I'm so sorry'

Her voice is small, so small I only just catch what she says.

'For what?'

'We have to end it'

And with those words my whole future changes.

'Ana…just because your ex-husband is back on the scene, you want to throw away what we had? When did he even decide to show up? Ana please, _I love you'_

The tears start falling down her beautiful face. Even when she has been crying she is still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

'Alex, please don't say anything more, just walk away and hate me for it but please just walk away'

'I can't do that Ana, you and Christian have become my life'

'Things have changed, Alex, there are some things about my life before I came here that I should have told you a long time ago, and I'm so sorry it had to end like this but this is the way it has to be…I have been given a second chance and I have to take it, _I want to take it'_

'Ana, please don't do this'

'I'm sorry, Alex please believe me when I say that what we had was real, I loved you, I still love you, but I can't give you my heart, because I gave it away a long time ago and I will never get it back'

'He threw you out Ana! When you got knocked up…he didn't want you! But who was there for you, who has always been there for you?'

'I know…and I will be eternally grateful to you, honestly without you, I don't know if I would have even made it this far. But that's what I need to tell you…I left him, 8 years ago when I found out I was pregnant, I left him, in the middle of the night, without telling him where I was going. And I came here, to the other side of the country. But since I have been here, there has been a piece of me missing, a piece I left with him. He makes me whole. I need him and he needs me. I committed the most awful betrayal when I took his son from him but now I have a chance to make things right for me and my son'.

'Ana…this can't be the end'

I reach my hand into my pocket and grasp the ring box and we sit in silence.

'Alex, no-one can know about us'

My head snaps up.

'What do you mean?'

'I don't want Christian to know about us, he is already going to find it hard to trust me, please Alex, for me, please don't say anything'

With that, I can't listen to any more so I get up and leave without looking back. All I can hear before I slam the door are her loud uncontrollable sobs.


End file.
